I remember when I was a little girl, maybe about 8 years old, the very moment Jesus called me to Him. I remember sitting in the pew at church on a Sunday morning, minding my own business, when suddenly I just had the urge to get up out of my seat.
I remember the urge being so strong, that when scooted along sideways toward the aisle and tried to surpass my mother, she blatantly said, “where do you think you’re going?” What I don’t remember, was my response to her, nor how I managed to get past her. But what I do remember is that she was NOT going to stop me.
As I walked up the aisle toward the Pastor, all eyes were on me and I could hear whispers and tiny gasps. I knew what Jesus was up to and no one was going to stop me. I was on a mission and so boldly told the Pastor that I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, when he bent town to hear what I had to say.
I envy those who have those callings as an adult. I am not saying I never have them anymore. But what I am saying is I crave them. Crave the direction I clearly remember having as a child. It appeared black and white then, which now, seems more gray. I envy those who get called to mission, those who get called to teach the Bible in a variety of ways. Where is my calling again?
I started going back to church. Believe or not, I actually work for a church, but it is not a church of Christians, it is Unitarians. Not that there is anything wrong with their beliefs, but it is just not my belief. Finding a job in a church is difficult to do. I pray to give me the strength not let some upset me because our beliefs don’t align. I pray for strength to get me through the day. What I am thankful for, is their beliefs are filled with love and I have never experienced a place where so many people do what is right for the community and for each other.
As I was reading the Bible this morning, 1 Corinthians 15: 54-58, 58 states, “Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you now that your labor in the Lord is not vain”. Is this my calling? It doesn’t feel like it, but also when I finished reading, I noticed to the right of the page, at some point in my life, I highlighted the words in chapter 16: 14, “Do everything in love”. Maybe this is what I am called to do? Live my life through love no matter what others’ beliefs are. What I do know, is if this is not my landing place, I am sure Jesus will let me know when the time is right.
In the meantime, I persevere in a gray world, not the ever-so-clear black and white I remember as a child, and I persevere the best I can with love. Sometimes I grumble about it and I am far from perfect. But I guess I am only human.