Within Us

Why does the pursuit of happiness devalue our surrounding environment?

I spent the weekend doing some significant self care. I spent the morning decluttering my closet, rearranging furniture in my studio, and spent the afternoon in the salon chatting with my hairdresser.

I came home, made dinner, went for a walk with my husband, watched a French film.

I felt the need to paint something pink, something pretty.

What I really wanted to do was buy some pretties. Pretty lingerie, in particular but I didn’t because I would have defeated the purpose of decluttering my closet.

Yet after all of this, I find myself crying this morning while drinking a cup of coffee. Crying over mixed feelings about the impact of a significant event that happened personally back in September.

I just…can’t…let…it…go.

What does this even mean? I pray and I seek positivity by helping others, by showing random acts of kindness, yet when I’m home I’m unsettled.

I pace. I pace like an animal right before an earthquake happens. It’s my gut instinct…something is still “off” and I don’t like this feeling. I am waiting for the carpet to be ripped out from underneath my feet.

So I paint, I work long hours and I pray. Keeping myself busy so I won’t have time to think.

And here I am.

Mixed Media – Painting by Robin Moreau

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