A woman knows. I can’t explain why or how, but a woman just knows.
She knows when things aren’t quite right. The unsettled feelings, intuition, the gut feeling….however it is phrased. A woman simply knows when things are “off”.
I am that woman. Struggling with past situations that’s have kept a wall up and my feelings guarded, my heart protected. I don’t know if it will go away. I struggle with my own thoughts, I dive into work, art and anything I can grasp so I won’t think about it.
It does not matter what was done nor what was said. It is still there haunting me. I pray for guidance, for a black and white answer. Please God just tell me what to do.
I still don’t know. And I withdraw.
I sketch to ease my mind and even my perspective is off and I’m told it’s off and I don’t care.
I simply just don’t care. My chest aches, my mind races and I wait….for the definitive answer and I know the weight will finally be lifted.
My eyes seem to pop open every morning at 2:30. Really? I cannot seem to get out of this trend and I honestly don’t even know how I stay awake, let alone function through work until 5pm.
With added stress of multiple things in my personal life, I am to a point where I am desperate to find the perfect self care regimen to help me stay asleep. I have tried, or at least I think I have, everything.
I am open to suggestions.
I feel like the walking dead lately.
My eyes hurt.
I just want to hide under the blanket like my dog and sleep. Although I keep the same schedule daily, eat dinner, an evening walk, hydrate, then 9pm bedtime, 2:30 am wake up is a trend I’m getting annoyed at really quickly.
I have a huge love for animals. I always have and my family has told me for years “Robin, you have a strange relationship with animals”
So it is! I’ve always had pets growing up from dogs, cats, birds and fish. My parents weren’t fond of animals, especially my mother However, my father would always find a way to bring an animal home to me, complain about the cost of food, fur everywhere or many other complaints, but I would care for those animals deeply and he continued to bring them home through the years.
Nothing has changed as an adult. Currently I have two dogs who are in their senior years and cost me a small fortune of prescription diets and more.
My mother recently said to me after many years of marriage that she was surprised I married my husband. The remark threw me so off guard, I question her about it. She told me with the amount love I had for animals, she was surprised I didn’t marry a farmer. I laughed and stated that farmers had not been interested in me or I would have. She had said I always told her when I was young I wanted to live on a farm. Yet I married a city man.
She does make a point. When we first moved to the Olympic Peninsula, I had to visit the game farm. It was filled with wild animals and yet I was sad to see them being continuously watched by a multitude of people. I captured many images and wish I could have thrown my arms around each animal and told them how much I loved them even though we had just met for the first time.
I believe some animals are partnered with us humans for a reason and the bond is more than anyone could ever have in a human relationship. They provide us with comfort and companionship. Hug your furry friends, because deep down they truly love you.
For the past few years, I’ve made it a tradition to paint watercolor Christmas cards for my family. This past Christmas, I was told by many of my family members, mostly from my husband’s side, how they enjoy the uniquely painted cards.
Each card is different and when I started my new job, I decided to paint everyone of my staff a card. It was difficult but honestly after seeing the look of amazement on their faces was worth it.
I dabble in watercolor, it is not my best media, but I enjoy working with it for small things such as cards.
I’m always disappointed after Christmas as it feels as though the color has faded back to another long year of grey matter. I feel this the most when all of the Christmas lights come down. I decided since 2020 has already been a difficult year, I would take my mini paintings to another level and paint cards not only throughout the year for other holidays, but experiment with painting on glass ornaments.
I need some practice, however the methodical movement of carefully holding the ornament and placing each one of those dots was interestingly a stress reliever.
What I realized is the more I love me and practice self care, the more I love you and your happiness means the world to me.